Print Story One in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage
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By codemonkey uk (Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 04:11:27 PM EST) (all tags)
Statistics don't help.

"After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be." - (source)
This was in the leaflet we were given by the hospital. Reading it made me cry for the fist time, nearly 24 hours after Andie called me at work on Friday.


I could tell by the tone of her voice it wasn't good news. She had a routine scan, at the hospital. I had to go right there right then. I told my manager there was a problem with my wife's pregnancy, and that I had to leave right away. I would not be coming in on Monday either.

Andie told me she'd had the scan, and there was no baby. Just an empty sac. They call it a Blighted Ovum. There was a baby, a potential, and now it's gone.

When I got home Dylan was awake still, Andie was just being a mum. Being strong. Coping. Looking after our boys.

Dylan went to bed. We didn't talk much. She'd been sent home, to see if she would "Complete Naturally", so we just have to wait. We watched some TV and went to bed. I don't remember much. It's a blur. I didn't cry. I was slightly numb.

No one really knows why it happens. It can happen for different reasons. There are theories. It doesn't make much difference.

In the morning (Saturday) we had breakfast in bed with the kids. Andie started to bleed a bit later. I took the kids to their grandparents, went shopping, called my parents and told them. I spent most of the day with Andie, comforting her. We watched some DVDs. We both cried a bit. Maybe Pan's Labyrinth wasn't the best choice.

Sunday it continued. I took some bits to the kids, Andie thought I should spend some time with them, I'm glad I did.

Thing is, it's not over yet. She might still need a "D and C". We need to wait and see what happens Monday, maybe go to the hospital again on Tuesday.

I'll spend the week here with her. Looking after her. Keeping busy. Taking comfort from that. It's what I do. It's how I cope.

A short interview with Tori Amos in which she talks about her loss.

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One in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
peace by joh3n (2.00 / 0) #1 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 04:20:29 PM EST

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I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix


So sorry to hear. by ana (2.00 / 0) #2 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 04:29:16 PM EST
Take time to grieve; as much as you need.

Power up your flaming yo-yos already! --StackyMcRacky


thoughts with you both by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #3 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 04:30:18 PM EST
 Statistics rarely comfort, true. They're trying to tell you that you're not alone, but it is unique to you and Andi. And there is still more love in the family.

"I don't have time for martial law, I have to get to the gym!" zarathus


Condolences (nt) by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #4 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 04:48:42 PM EST

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ウセーバラケダ


I have no appropriate words. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #5 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 06:50:49 PM EST
But I send condolences.

Look after yourselves, and (I hope I'm not being patronising or intrusive here) make sure you don't let the thought "Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't..." cross Andi's mind.

But mainly I send sympathy, because that's better for you than pisspoor advice from a congenitally single man.



I'm so sorry by littlestar (4.00 / 1) #6 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 08:27:54 PM EST
for you both. It sounds like you are dealing with it as best you can. Being there and just getting through it. Many hugs.
*twinkle*twinkle*




I'm so sorry for your loss. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #7 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 08:58:14 PM EST
Take care of yourselves, and my thoughts are with you.
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If you don't get a Bonnie, my universe will not make sense. --blixco


*hug* by duxup (2.00 / 0) #8 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 10:57:24 PM EST
Take care all of you.
____


I understand how you feel by theboz (4.00 / 5) #9 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 11:39:28 PM EST
One thing that always got to me is that there are a bunch of fucking assholes out there that say, "Oh, you can have another baby and forget all about what happened." Those people should be put to death.

My wife's miscarriage was back in June of last year, and since it was our first potential child it was devastating. We worked so hard and did all the right things, and we still lost that one.

We since had our daughter and that did bring happiness to our lives, but it didn't fill the hole of the loss of the first pregnancy. I even thought about what had happened today. I don't think about it every day, but I do often and I will never forget. If I had religion like my wife, I could believe that he went to be a guardian angel for his little sister. Unfortunately, I have no such beliefs and just see the great loss for what it is. A miscarriage is a death, as sure as if any other loved one dies. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and you and your family deserve the time to mourn that you need.

You have my condolences.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n


After my miscarriage, by muchagecko (4.00 / 3) #10 Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 11:45:27 PM EST
my mother told me that miscarriages are for the best, because there must be something really wrong with the baby if you miscarry. Her words didn't help me at the time, but I understand now that she was probably right.

Maybe her words will help you?

"It means more if you have to earn it, even if it's by doing something as simple as eating a meal." Kellnerin


Sorry to hear that mate, by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 03:10:07 AM EST
Pints and hugs all around for everyone at this difficult time.




#HUG# for you and Andie. by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #12 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:19:38 AM EST
My son was supposed to be twins, his fellow 'became inviable' around the sixth month and we had about two months of panic while we waited to see what would happen to the fetus who would eventually become our son. And the boy, once born, seemed to know what had happened. He's always been sensitive to deaths of relatives and separation from friends.

You might want to let the boys know what happened sometime soon. They could provide more comfort that you realize to you both.

I'm so sorry.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou


Check that. It wasn't six months. It was three. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:35:25 PM EST
But the rest was still the same.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou
[ Parent ]

I'm sorry by mmangino (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 08:48:01 AM EST
We've been through two miscarriages this year and it just sucks. Take care of each other.



My sympathies by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 09:51:42 AM EST
I'm sorry for your loss.

Gedvondur
"It is virtually impossible to effectively aim a jellyfish, a creature created by God almost solely for the purpose of not flying."- CRwM


You guys sound like you're doing alright by debacle (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon Aug 27, 2007 at 01:20:28 PM EST
Better luck next time.

Hopefully the D&C will be unnecessary.


"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie



:( by priestess (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Aug 28, 2007 at 08:21:18 AM EST
Hope you all feel better soon.

Pre....
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Yes! The Conspiracy Really Exists...


so sorry by crispyduck (2.00 / 0) #18 Tue Aug 28, 2007 at 01:01:52 PM EST
so sorry to hear about that, my thoughts are with you guys.

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linux virtual private servers


One in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage | 18 comments (18 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback